As I sit......

So as I sit here... Tv running in the back ground, the lite hum of a motor of in the distance, there is an air of solitude lingering in the room. I haven't payed the tv the slightest bit of attention. The emptyness is pressing down right through to my soul, it's crushing.... Unbearable.... And yet it's oddly comforting, reassuring.... Like a safe room. I can think without being bothered, I can breath without being asked what's wrong, but it's a terrible Place, a place that allows me to build up walls, lock away my feelings.... Time to withdraw from the world. It's peace, yet it's war, it's resolution yet conflict. And all the while one thing is constant in my head, her... Why... It won't be.... Never will.... I guess I'll just have to make lemonade and get over it like always. Anyways that's all for now folks,

Welll....

I was outside,

sitting on the porch,

when I saw two birds fluttering around,

just playing with one another,

Not a care in the world,

it made me think back...

back to when I was young,

and care free.

Of course I wasnt flying around in the air,

(although that would have been magnificent)

ahh could you imagine,

the freedom,

the magnificence.

To be soaring through the air with no limitations,

no worries, and the abilitie to go anywhere!

Imagine,

Ireland,

France,

Switzerland,

Anywhere you could imagine,

you could go!

What a dream....

and so as i finished my cigeratte,

the birdies fluttered off into the

rain drenched woods.

leaving me alone to ponder,

on what was

and to dream

just dream about anything i wanted.

and so I leave you with this,

what are your dreams,

your goals,

what do you want in life.

and remember you only get one go at it,

so make the best of it!!!

(ps: take chances, live with your heart open, and laugh alot,

it makes life worth living ^^ )

The great green monster.....

Yep you guessed it,

Jealousy!

It gets the best of us at some point,

whether

its from something as simple as money,

or to the more complex

things such as emotions,

everyone gets jealous at some point.

I've always prided myself in the fact that I

don't usually get jealous.

Pause:

Life insight:

I was born and raised in Statesville, NC.

Not a real big town, not real fancy with rich stores,

a simple life I lived.

I wasn't without,

and I never went hungry,

but at the same time, as I said,

a simple life I lived.

I went out and played in the dirt, and roamed the woods,

and did dumb stupid stuff for fun.

I didnt sit around on a playstation, or xbox,

So I know how to be happy with

well not alot of special electronics and gadgetry.

(Granted yes I have and Iphone 4s, and a nice computer,

and a 2004 tacoma now, but thats bc I've worked my ass off for it)

anyways thats how I grew up,

so..

:Unpause.

So as you see jealousy isn't something that bothers me

a whole lot,

But right now I must admit the great green monster has ahold of me right now,

and the thing is im jealous of somebody I don't even know!

No it's not over some dumb new gadget,

or over money even.

Its over the affection of a Beautiful young woman,

.......

well tata for now, 

A tale.... of love and tragedy....

There once was a young man, young and lively he was,

full of spirit and love to give.

And a women, there was,

she was as glorious as the moon and the stars!

The young man,

stood in awe of her beauty,

her radiance.

Longing,

to catch the attention of such a fair maiden.

Dreaming of only her whilst he slept,

and thoughts of her dancing in his head as he

labored his days away.

Never daring to even imagine himself being good enough

for the fair maiden.

One day,

mid june on a beautiful summers eve,

the young maiden approached this young man.

A glimmer of hope,

shown in the mans eyes as bright as the burning sun.

And so it passed, the young man,

started courting this fair maiden.

And as time passed,

the young couple started spending more and more time together,

They were like to love birds,

perched in the branches of a crape myrtle in full bloom.

So majestic and befitting for one another.

and so some time passed,

living happily and in love.

But it was not long before work became scarce,

and so the young man decided to join the army....

to provide a life of ease and comfort for the one he loved,

and so he went for training,

he was strong and smart.

Training was easy,

he rather enjoyed it.

....but alas....

all good things must come to an end.

By messenger came tales of horror,

The one this man loved and went away for,

to provide a better life for.

Was with child,

Not this fine young mans child,

but a vagrants,
a man of no morals!

This young man knew not what to do,
a fortnight after recieving news of his wifes disloyalty,
injury befell this young man,
and the army no longer had need of him.
So he traveled back home,
in hopes to forgive the women he loved and raise the child as his own,
....the woman he gave his heart to...
the woman he had devoted himself to
this woman he gave up everything for.

She took his love,
she took his loyalty,
and she threw it in his face,
spitting on it and laughing,


forever crippling this man,

he trys to forget,
He trys to let it go
and to move on,

..................................................................

Well..... its been quite to long....

Now
where to start...
umm I think my last post was almost two years ago!!!
I cant believe I've been away for so long,
so much has happened and so much has changed.
I've gone through some life changing ordeals,
I've gone through some not so life changing ordeals,
but all has been a learning experience.

() ()
/
\___/


anyways so yeah,
random keyboard art..hahaha,
I crack myself up!

ok so...not funny, but hey I try!


When I look back through my old blogs
I can't help wonder,
what happened to that guy.
That guy I used to be,
the one that had it all figured out,
the one that was happy??
..........

I guess he got lost somewhere over the past two years...

I've laughed,
I've cryed,
I've loved,
I've learned,
I've been beaten down,
I've lost all hope,
and built it back up,

But im not the same,
I've changed,
I don't know when or where or even how,
all I know is I've changed,
I'm not the same,
I dont guess its my place to figure out why,
just to go on living,
I shant worry with the little things.

.....

Back to the grinding stone.....

Well it has been to long and ive put on to much....

so i decided to get back to the grindstone.

It felt so good today i couldnt help but to enjoy some outside time,

I decided i was going to start my jogging routine again,

so around 2:30 i went out and my feet hit the asphalt.

As they did I lost all awareness and just let my feet carry me.

As my mind wandered amongst itself diving in and out of memories and different thoughts,

my feet carried me on.

Target distance=5k or just over 3 miles,

Completed distance=about 3k or 2 miles,

Time taken=15 minutes,

It was a great first run for the year,

Although I woulda been a little bit more satisfyed if I had reached my target,

oh well lol maybe tomorrow.

Same old boring me!!!!!!!

Wow Its been quite the while,

since last i posted,

Not much new to me though,

im outta school,

and still made it no where witha job,

but i am just now managing to get myself pulled back together,

I just picked back up my old workout routine,

now if only it would warm up so i could run,

anyways, i reckon thats all i have to say,

tata for now,